recursion

My dad died July 26, 2005. Today is the one year anniversary of his passing.

Jenny and I commemorated it by pouring out a 40 of Colt 45 and reminiscing about him.

It's amazing to think about what I was doing this time last year. My entire world was upside down. There's a pain you feel in your chest, a physical pain that just never goes away. Afterwards, I was numb for a long time. It seems like yesterday, and yet distant. When you lose a loved one, the love you feel doesn't fade, but thankfully the pain does. Life goes on.

Last year was rough for me. Jenny and I bought a house, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and sickened and died, we bought a car, my company was sold (again)...too many changes.

This month, I turned 27 years old. My dad was only 55 when he died. People like to think of their 40s and 50s as "middle age", but really, my dad was in his "middle age" when he was my age.

That's a lot to think about. Am I living my life the way I ought to be? I don't think so. I'm not doing bad but I'm not living up to my dreams. That's my goal.

It took my dad a long time to find the place where he was really happy, but he did. He loved his job at Penn State. He kept working from home answering email for as long as he could. I wish he could've found that happiness sooner. I'm going to try.